How does growing up in chaos affect a child as they become an adult?

My mom was remarried by the time I was almost 5. She married a criminal who turned our world upside down. My mother was not in good health neither was my little sister. That man let us be evicted, let our car be repossessed and watch him be arrested. When my mom married that idiot she told my dad that we didn’t need him because we moved on. My dad had no idea that my mom had married a criminal.

I went on to have two beautiful children who I did my best to raise. I am constantly in therapy. I have had surgeries to correct some of the negligence I suffered.

So that set me up for an unsafe environment.

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There is no tobacco, illegal substance usage in my home. We have a celebratory bottle of wine in storage and some hard cider in our refrigerator for years. I saw to it that my children always had someone to vent to about their dad and I. We always have our bills paid making it a priority. Neither my husband nor I have a criminal history. My children rarely wore hand-me-downs. Being I had a boy and a girl you can understand why. My kids always had choices of foods at home or we got take out. If we were having financial difficulties I applied for food stamps. My children never knew that. Because it wasn’t necessary. What was important was prioritized their health and safety. The difficulties at school I left to the school to help them with accommodations when needed and tutoring . Both of my children are successful adults. * I was never able to pursue a bachelors degree because my brain cannot process beyond basic mathematics. But I do know and recognize my limitations

My mom just wanted to be a stay at home mom and being married to this guy made no guarantee. We always had a roof over our head, our clothing was from thrift stores or hand me downs. However because of our home being without a working furnace there were many times we lacked hot water. We didn’t go to the doctor or dentist for regular checkups. I also was bullied at school for my shabby clothes or just because. The bullying never stopped. In recollection I am not sure which was safer, because I didn’t have a type of mom who would listen about my being bullied, and her husband’s abuse towards me.

As time passed my mom married again. She married a man who bet a pool game to get my mother. ( indoor bar room). There was drinking and drug use as a daily practice. And then came the sexual predator abuse to my sisters and I.

Hello, I have a question about astral projection. I started to get interested in this a little while after my mum passed in april. I thought I may be able to see her and speak with her if I managed to achieve astral projection. Since this interest, every time i sleep on my back I go into sleep paralysis. However, I cant progress into astral projection because it is very scary for me as I feel like I'm suffocating when this happens. I panic and force myself to wake up. This only ever happened about once a year before this. It sometimes lasts a long time. This has happened about 3 times per week since my mum died, as mentioned on a previous post. I no longer try to go into it anymore(due to the suffocating feeling), but it still happens. I read that sleep paralysis is the pathway to astral projection. Why has this started to happen so frequently since simply taking an interest in it? Is this connected to the afterlife? I am concerned about it as I now cannot seem to stop this happening. Could it be my mum trying to communicate? Im asking due to more knowledge around this in this group.

When I was born my parents marriage was in utter shambles. They were too immature to be parents. They were divorced before I was three. My dad worked in retail management. My mom went to college and got a bachelor’s degree in social work. That was by day. At night waa another world.